After the super success of Main HARAMKHOR, it’s time for me to talk more about “HARAMKHORI” AND THIS TIME, I will talk about CORPORATE HARAMKHORI. And, I am dead sure, all of you sometime in you life must have done such haramkhori. And, it’s true that Corporate HARAMKHORI is a part of Corporate Politics which I learnt in my first organization, thanks to my colleagues!! I dedicate this song to all you people who are proud to have done Corporate Haramkhori in their life…
“Kabhi Dagabaaz, Kabhi Qatil, Kabhi Chor,
Mere Yaar, Sab ke Sab Haramkhor!!!”
Fresh out of MBA college, I indeed had no idea of what organization culture is, how things works out, team dynamics etc. etc…and being with HSBC, I tried my best to create a good image of myself!! But, then destiny had its own plans. During Durga Puja, I had to go home and needed a leave for 7 days, that’s one time of the year when my entire family gathers. So, when I approached my manager for a leave, he said ” Ashutosh, you are on probation for 6 months and as per the company policy, you cannot take leave..so, sorry!!” But then, I am one among those who belives in breaking the rules and policies. Bhagwaan Krishna ne toh nahin, lekin kisine toh kaha hai, “Agar ghee sidhi ungli se naa nikle, ungli tedhi karo”. And, BANG comes the IDEA!!! And, remember, ek IDEA aapki zindagi badal sakti hai…
I approached my manager and then the conversation began…
HARAMKHOR Ashutosh: Pushkar, I need a leave as I am getting engaged….
Pushkar: What?? A 22 year old guy fresh out of college not even settled in his life getting engaged???
HARAMKHOR Ashutosh: Yes, you know it’s a LOVE Marriage actually and the girl’s parents are adamant to get me engaged with their daughter
Pushkar: Why, don’t they trust you??
HARAMKHOR Ashutosh: They do, it’s just that, it’s a good time, Durga Puja and my wife completing her MBBS degree..so…
Pushkar: Ohh wow, so, your would-be is a doctor??? What’s her name??
HARAMKHOR Ashutosh: Err…ROSALIN (who actually is my sister’s best friend, who is a doctor, already married and 4 months pregnant) :)
Pushkar: Best of luck!! Leave GRANTED…..
So, you see, yeh jhooth bolne wali baat hamesha kaam kar jaati hai!! And, trust me, when Rosalin actually heard my story, she had mixed reactions, more than anything, she was happy for me. Now, the biggest question, now that I am engaged, where’s the RING???
And, my father said me, “Don’t you worry son, here is your Engagement RING”
HARAM KHOR Papu( that’s my nick name): Baba, are you out of your mind. This is some gold ring related to astrology, with a big green colour EMERALD. It doesn’t even look close to an engagement ring
Papa: Did I say you to lie?? If you lied once, I am sure you can lie again…BEST OF LUCK
Back in Office
Pushkar: Congratz!! Ashutosh…where are the sweets??
HARAMKHOR Ashutosh: At my desk..will distribute soon
Pushkar: Ohh, i can see something dazzling on your finger
HARAMKHOR Ashutosh:Oh yeah, that’s my Engagement Ring..
Pushkar (shocked): Is that your Engagement Ring??
HARAMKHOR Ashutosh: Yeah, Pushkar, bad luck you see. My astrologer said there are some problems in my Kundali and all because of which my marriage cannot happen within 2 years, so he suggested me this emerald ring to wear it on the same finger where I was wearing my engagement ring..and, you cannot wear two rings in one finger. I had to take out my engagement ring…
Pushkar: That’s sad.. anyway, congratulations again!!
So, you see, Corporate HARAMKHORI work wonders!! Time and again, destiny challenged me, made me hone my haramkhori skills, especially HR Interviews where I lie so nicely that HR actually becomes my fan!! Typical haramkhori answers are like….
1. Where do you see yourself 5 years from now??
HARAMKHOR Ashutosh: Definitely, in your organization in a senior management position. I think I would be able to contribute a lot to your organization with my past experiences and the learning I will have in your organization
(Actual Answer: Will you be able to tolerate me for 5 years??)
2. Why do you want to leave your current job??
HARAMKHOR Ashutosh: I have always loved my current organization because of the challenges I faced here and the things I learnt. But, down the line, I see your organization as a stepping stone for my career path and I am sure I would be able to make a difference since the job profile and my expertise resembles a lot and being the creative person I am, I think, I will just not be a regular employee but a value addition to your organization!!
(Actual Answer: Man, your organization is ready to pay me, big brand, what do I want in my life??)
So, Corporate HARAMKHORI has no substitute. It’s the skill which comes by experience. Having attended numerous interviews in my life, now, I don’t get rejected by any Interviewer because of the well prepared HARAMKHORI…
So, the next time, you think of enhancing your skills like JAVA, .NET, Business Analysis, Domain Knowledge,Communication Skills, do think of enhancing one more skill too, HARAMKHORI!!!!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Main Haramkhor
Idhar udhar, jaoon kidhar?
dagar, dagar, shehar, shehar
mache yehi shor, bas charo oar,
jo karna tha, kabhi kiya nahin
kahe sab mujhe, main “Haramkhor”
Before anyone getting offended by the title of the post, let me clarify that I have dedicated this post entirely to MYSELF :) . It’s neither a work of fiction and nothing is unintended. Everything is purely intentional. So, before I write, why I have dedicated this post to myself, I will explicitly explain the true meaning of “HARAMKHOR“. According to Urban dictionairy, “Haramkhor” is one who earns his kicks by doing what he is not supposed to be doing. And, yeah, I epitomise the terminology.
As a child, I have not done anything which I was supposed to do, but still managed to be the cynosure of everyone’s eyes. Well, I will not write an autobiography here, but will highlight a few instances from “HERE and THERE” of my life. I remember, during my graduation, when I was struggling to be a JACK of ALL TRADES, enrolled myself into G-NIIT, B.SC Chemistry, BCA, IGNOU and last but not the least, was preparing for CAT. And, like Darsheel Safary of Taare Zameen Par (poor kid) :) , my day used to start at morning 5:30 and with my Kinetic Honda, I used to run from one class to another( NIIT to College, from College to IMS, again from IMS TO IGNOU). And, one thing which was a PAIN IN THE A** (PITA) was my Chemistry practical classes which used to start at afternoon 2 and end at evening 6. I still didn’t understand why the people used to be so happy when they see precipitate at the bottom of a test tube or see the litmus paper turn blue to red. So, to avoid those PITAs, I knowingly enter the practical classes without APRON and happily face the wrath of my Chemistry Lab Professor, who used to say “GET OUT, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO ENTER PRACTICAL CLASSES WITHOUT APRON“, poor, Chemistry teacher, little did he knew, I used to bunk his atrocious chemistry lectures and prepare for my MBA :) And, then, after few classes, my Chemsitry professor came to know my intentions and started allowing me to to do practicals without apron. But, taking the legacy of “HARAMKHORI” ahead, I always used to complete my practical sessions within 1-2 hrs, hehe. If the precipitate has to be yellow, go to the bathroom, one drop of pee, and BANG, precipitate turns YELLOW :) and if sometimes, the solution has to turn blue, green, maroon, I had with me other solutions in the form of variety of INK Pens, hoohahaahaaa :) Haramkhori, indeed!!!
And then, during my MBA, well, I was always a great speaker. And, making PPTs used to be the most pathetic job, till now, I hate preparing PPTs. Anyway, I always used to motivate my team members to make those PPTs, and me in turn presenting it infront of the Professors, since most of my classmates feared giving presentations. Poor they, whole night, they do all the hard work, and I go ahead with all the accolades in the morning with my mind-blowing presentations!! Not only I managed to be in the limelight for my presentations but also for screwing my classmates too. I was the one who used to ask the most difficult questions pertaining to the topic of their presentations. In fact, just 1 hour before my classmates presentation, I go to Library, search on the topic, prepare some good 2-3 tough questions, ask them, make them score low and then I used to get those brownie points. My professor used to be very impressed with my “so-called intelligent questions“. At the end of every presentation, he used to ask, “So, Ashutosh, do you have any question to ask?”, LOL :) Is chakkar main kabhi kabhi dost, treat bhi de dete the, my friends used to say, “Ashu you can do anything with us, take treat, but please don’t ask questions”.
Even if Lord Krishna has not said anything, but, GURU ASHU believes in “VATS, HARAMKHORI karo when it can do good to yourself without harming others”.
dagar, dagar, shehar, shehar
mache yehi shor, bas charo oar,
jo karna tha, kabhi kiya nahin
kahe sab mujhe, main “Haramkhor”
Before anyone getting offended by the title of the post, let me clarify that I have dedicated this post entirely to MYSELF :) . It’s neither a work of fiction and nothing is unintended. Everything is purely intentional. So, before I write, why I have dedicated this post to myself, I will explicitly explain the true meaning of “HARAMKHOR“. According to Urban dictionairy, “Haramkhor” is one who earns his kicks by doing what he is not supposed to be doing. And, yeah, I epitomise the terminology.
As a child, I have not done anything which I was supposed to do, but still managed to be the cynosure of everyone’s eyes. Well, I will not write an autobiography here, but will highlight a few instances from “HERE and THERE” of my life. I remember, during my graduation, when I was struggling to be a JACK of ALL TRADES, enrolled myself into G-NIIT, B.SC Chemistry, BCA, IGNOU and last but not the least, was preparing for CAT. And, like Darsheel Safary of Taare Zameen Par (poor kid) :) , my day used to start at morning 5:30 and with my Kinetic Honda, I used to run from one class to another( NIIT to College, from College to IMS, again from IMS TO IGNOU). And, one thing which was a PAIN IN THE A** (PITA) was my Chemistry practical classes which used to start at afternoon 2 and end at evening 6. I still didn’t understand why the people used to be so happy when they see precipitate at the bottom of a test tube or see the litmus paper turn blue to red. So, to avoid those PITAs, I knowingly enter the practical classes without APRON and happily face the wrath of my Chemistry Lab Professor, who used to say “GET OUT, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO ENTER PRACTICAL CLASSES WITHOUT APRON“, poor, Chemistry teacher, little did he knew, I used to bunk his atrocious chemistry lectures and prepare for my MBA :) And, then, after few classes, my Chemsitry professor came to know my intentions and started allowing me to to do practicals without apron. But, taking the legacy of “HARAMKHORI” ahead, I always used to complete my practical sessions within 1-2 hrs, hehe. If the precipitate has to be yellow, go to the bathroom, one drop of pee, and BANG, precipitate turns YELLOW :) and if sometimes, the solution has to turn blue, green, maroon, I had with me other solutions in the form of variety of INK Pens, hoohahaahaaa :) Haramkhori, indeed!!!
And then, during my MBA, well, I was always a great speaker. And, making PPTs used to be the most pathetic job, till now, I hate preparing PPTs. Anyway, I always used to motivate my team members to make those PPTs, and me in turn presenting it infront of the Professors, since most of my classmates feared giving presentations. Poor they, whole night, they do all the hard work, and I go ahead with all the accolades in the morning with my mind-blowing presentations!! Not only I managed to be in the limelight for my presentations but also for screwing my classmates too. I was the one who used to ask the most difficult questions pertaining to the topic of their presentations. In fact, just 1 hour before my classmates presentation, I go to Library, search on the topic, prepare some good 2-3 tough questions, ask them, make them score low and then I used to get those brownie points. My professor used to be very impressed with my “so-called intelligent questions“. At the end of every presentation, he used to ask, “So, Ashutosh, do you have any question to ask?”, LOL :) Is chakkar main kabhi kabhi dost, treat bhi de dete the, my friends used to say, “Ashu you can do anything with us, take treat, but please don’t ask questions”.
Even if Lord Krishna has not said anything, but, GURU ASHU believes in “VATS, HARAMKHORI karo when it can do good to yourself without harming others”.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
God made me in a second!!!
Priyanka Chopra once said “God must have taken a vacation to make people like Aishwarya Rai, we mortals were made in a day“, and I wonder, if Priyanka Chopra was made in a day, then, I for sure, was made in a second, may be when god was busy with batch processing of human beings :)
I neither have the looks to make people go down weak on knees nor have the intelligence which can put me in a different league of people. So, what makes me so ordinary?? Well, I have always been a man of “Averages“. I used to score average during my exams, comes from an average background, graduated my MBA from an average B-school, started my career with an average salary and after 25 years, I am still an average human being. And, there is one friend of mine who says, “There is nothing wrong in being ordinary“. Well, point taken, as its coming from another ordinary person. But then, greatness comes within. So, we mortals minus Priyanka Chopra believe that, by sheer hard work, we can be successful and be extra-ordinary. Booh, what’s hard work?? I have seen rickshaw pullers in my town pulling rickshaws for a meagre Rs 15, the kind of hard work they do or some construction workers, we can never ever imagine to do. Hey people, now, don’t tell me, it’s all about destiny since I can give enough of examples where mere hard work falls flat, ask me!!!
Now, some of you will tell me about smart work, right time, management fundas and all that, but then, as truly said by my other friend, it’s all MOH-MAYA (no these are not the names of two girls) :) Jo hai, usi main khush raho kyunki insaan apni kismat likha ke aata hai…Now, if at all I could have had the address where the destinies are written, I will run and change mine.
So, coming back to the conclusion of how it feels being a step-child of God, then, well, it feels GREAT!!! We have ample amount of time in our life to study the people whom God made during a vacation or in a day, get insipired from them, try to be like them, listen to them, see them, sometimes get jealous, sometimes be happy aur yehi karte karte saali puri zindagi nikal jaati hai and then on our death bed, we have two options either to be happy consoling ourselves that whatever we have done in our lifetime is actually GREAT or repent thinking “Wish God had made me in a day or during a vacation“….
And, if you ask me, what would I think on my death bed, well, that remains to be seen!!!!
I neither have the looks to make people go down weak on knees nor have the intelligence which can put me in a different league of people. So, what makes me so ordinary?? Well, I have always been a man of “Averages“. I used to score average during my exams, comes from an average background, graduated my MBA from an average B-school, started my career with an average salary and after 25 years, I am still an average human being. And, there is one friend of mine who says, “There is nothing wrong in being ordinary“. Well, point taken, as its coming from another ordinary person. But then, greatness comes within. So, we mortals minus Priyanka Chopra believe that, by sheer hard work, we can be successful and be extra-ordinary. Booh, what’s hard work?? I have seen rickshaw pullers in my town pulling rickshaws for a meagre Rs 15, the kind of hard work they do or some construction workers, we can never ever imagine to do. Hey people, now, don’t tell me, it’s all about destiny since I can give enough of examples where mere hard work falls flat, ask me!!!
Now, some of you will tell me about smart work, right time, management fundas and all that, but then, as truly said by my other friend, it’s all MOH-MAYA (no these are not the names of two girls) :) Jo hai, usi main khush raho kyunki insaan apni kismat likha ke aata hai…Now, if at all I could have had the address where the destinies are written, I will run and change mine.
So, coming back to the conclusion of how it feels being a step-child of God, then, well, it feels GREAT!!! We have ample amount of time in our life to study the people whom God made during a vacation or in a day, get insipired from them, try to be like them, listen to them, see them, sometimes get jealous, sometimes be happy aur yehi karte karte saali puri zindagi nikal jaati hai and then on our death bed, we have two options either to be happy consoling ourselves that whatever we have done in our lifetime is actually GREAT or repent thinking “Wish God had made me in a day or during a vacation“….
And, if you ask me, what would I think on my death bed, well, that remains to be seen!!!!
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