Being HAPPY...

Today is the end of 50 days in Chennai, end of 50 more moments of emotions, end of 50 more experiences and 50 more lives. With the start of every new day in Chennai, a life breathed and at the fall of the dawn, there was one more dead body wrapped with countless emotions. For once, today I feel like being In Pune, alone at my home, away from the changing mood of the city, and yes, playing ghazals and enjoying the eternity in solidarity. Yes, feelings have creeped in, heart is heavy and eyes are moist, it’s my love for Pune, a city where I have learnt life, a city which taught me to live life, a city which is nothing less than my life.

A ghazal of Jagjit Singh truly exemplifies my emotions at this time
“Ab main ration ke kataaron main nazar aata hon,
Apne kheton se bichhadne ki sazaa main pata hoon”

Yes, I am not happy not here. I have tried umpteen number of times but failed. In a race to earn more, work for a bigger organization and better profile, I have lost my peace. And, no, it’s just not today, it’s been 3 years, I am in the race. People have come and gone, success and failures have played hide and seek, with every new address comes a new pain. May be, I am asking too much from my life but why am I deprived of peace all my life. Whenever there is something good to happen, why does something bad have to poison the good and end its life??? I am like a dice in the hands of destiny which is being thrown on the board of life, there is always a different combination of success and failures, different combination of sadness and happiness, but what remains constant at the end is the death of those numerous experiences, moments and lives. The number game have put a question mark in my life, every number signifies something, and I as a hopeless passenger hopping from one place to another is always in a search of the significance, trying to knock every door coming my way with a hope to meet peace someday but till now, I have failed, what shows every time is a face filled with melancholy.

Dedication to my MAA- Mother's Day

Beneath the shadows of darkness on my way
There's a ray of hope that forever stays
An insipiration to live a life worth living
A symbol of sacrifice and endless giving
A soul so pure and untouched by fear
Though far from me, still she is always near
Maa, I owe myself to you
The only way I can repay all my dues
My desire to be your mother in my next birth
Protect you from the thorns of hatred and loath
Decorate your life with all my dreams
Gift you a life of joy and a life of gleam
Every night I miss your goodnight kiss
I want to be with you, that's my only wish

“DIRECTIONALLY “YOURS…

It was neither a stormy night waiting to rain nor a night adorned with the gown of moonlight; it was a usual night after a tiring day for me unaware of the things to happen which would probably change my life forever. My life of practicality would have continued had I not met someone who changed the direction of my life. For the first time, I felt certain restlessness which had its moments of peace and ecstasy, waiting for someone became a moment of pleasure, and emotions took over my mind like never before. An inspiration, a guiding force, a never fading smile with an AWESOME charm to its persona, the person is someone who taught me to live a life with an exclamation.

Seems everything was destined to happen, just one fine day, my lady luck smiled and waived a magic wand and I wandering on the lonely roads happened to bump to a person who was definitely not in my book of “Would be Friends”. And, when there was an invitation to join them at CCD which includes one of our common friends, I tried my best to mould the facts, do a lot of reasoning to avoid them but as I said it was all destined to happen. The very fact that the person was dear to my two common friends; I tried my best not to be an addition to that list and be the third one in a row. But, once it started, our talks knew no end, it was an everlasting affair, and every talk was a cause for a new talk, the talks became a reason to our frequent meetings and believe me these were the talks which became the talk of my other friends. It was a strange sight for everyone to see two strangers bonding as if they know each other for ages. The person came as a soothing wind that put an end to my traumatic life, the mere touch of the person used to make me feel the eternal bliss of comfort and when the person used to sleep on my lap for hours, I used to feel the idyll, idyllic enough to see the person sleeping the whole night and forget the pain of my legs. I have no words to expound those moments.

“There were moments when our souls entwined felt the eternal love between each other and then there were moments of divine happiness. There were moments of pain and anguish and sometimes the moments of togetherness resonating in every moment of my life. Moments of beauty, moments of consent, moments of defiance, moments of love and amour, moments of separation, those precious moments have left footmarks in the path of my life and have written the untold saga of friendship”

For me the person is a desire that remains unfulfilled, a thirst that can never be quenched, a dream which is far from the boundaries of reality; an illusion illuminated forever, leaving me in an optative state of mind. After a constant battle of confusions, emotions, explanations and revelations, what remains is a memory, unfazed, untouched, treasured in my mind in the years to come!!!

The WORLD at HER FEET, SALUTE TO Womanhood!!!

Being a man has certainly not changed my outlook towards women. 8th March being International Women’s Day, I take this opportunity to salute few Indian women whom I consider an inspiration to me and the entire world who have nothing but to take a bow to their achievements.

Mother: She is the epitome of love, sacrifice and womanhood. One woman who might not have conquered the battle with men, but, the very fact of she fighting for her children is something which is laudable. The world at her feet, she is an inspiration for everyone to fight for your loved ones till your last breath. I salute to the “Mother”, and I love you MAA.

Indira Gandhi: In the murky world of politics dominated by men, she is one woman who has proved her mettle in the field of politics. A lady who rose to become the Prime Minister of the Republic of India for three consecutive terms from 1966 to 1977 and for a fourth term from 1980 until her assassination in 1984, a total of fifteen years. She was India's first and, to date, only female Prime Minister. This lady definitely needs a mention on my list of supreme womanhood.

Kiran Mazumdar Shaw: From the world of politics to the corporate boardrooms, this lady needs no introduction. People might be admiring Naina Lal Kidwai and Indra Nooyi, but my vote goes to Kiran Mazumdar Shaw. Kiran symbolizes dynamism and hope, an Indian entrepreneur, only she can make it to become Chairman & Managing Director of Biocon Ltd. From a civic activist, to art collection, to a house wife she has managed to reach the highest ladder of corporate beating her detractors. I salute Kiran for her extreme determination to make it big in a world where men have made a mark.

Late. Kalpana Chawla: A lady who has the power to turn imagination to reality, Late. Kalpana Chawla who went to become the first Indian woman to go in space. No Indian could stop raving about her when she made our country proud when her name was announced as one of the seven crew members of Columbia space shuttle. Due to an unfortunate accident met by Columbia, she is no more with us but yes, the name “Kalpana” inspires a lot of woman who dream to make it to the mysterious world of space till date.

Kiran Bedi: Justice has another name, no prizes for guessing, it’s Kiran Bedi!!! For people who believe that woman are weak and should stay at home, spare a thought. Kiran Bedi has become the first woman to join the Indian Police Service (IPS) in 1972. She not only went on to become one of the most reputed police officers in India but also has two NGOs to her credit. And, if that was not enough, there’s “Aap ki Kacheri” for you where Kiran does justice to those innumerable India who finds her the only ray of hope for them.

Madhuri Dixit: Do I need to say why everyone is mad about MADS??? She is just not an actress, but, a woman, who has so many shades to her persona. A talented and award winning actress, accomplishes dancer and yes a beloved mother of two, she is one woman who definitely deserves a place in my list. Awarded Padmashri, Madhuri has delivered some of the remarkable performances in her career. “Didi tera devar” is still a rage, thanks to her. On Women's International Day in 2007, Dixit topped Rediff's list of the Best Bollywood Actresses Ever. A smile that makes million hearts go dhak-dhak, Madhuri is surely an inspiration to a lot of women and they don’t shy to say “Main Madhuri Dixit banna chahati hoon…”

ONLY For YOU…

You are a special “YOU” in my life. It’s YOU who have changed me, for the better, for the worst. I have lived the best because of YOU and have experienced the worst because of YOU. I have loved YOU, hated YOU, cursed YOU and blessed YOU. Never been in my life the word “YOU” have mattered to me so much till I met YOU. YOU are my whole world; YOU are the answer of my prayers every morning and evening. YOU are a reason for all my desires to bloom and YOU are also a reason for all my hopes to die. I have wanted YOU so much in my life; YOU are the Beethoven only to rejoice me in the times of pain and anguish and sometimes YOU haunt in the Halloween night of separation.

I have lived a life in a moment because of YOU and died all my life because of YOU too. I have celebrated colors for YOU when life painted it with black and white and filled my life with darkness when YOU had nothing bright in your life. When everyone thanked god, I had my ranting for YOU and when nothing was right in my life, I smiled because everything was smooth for YOU. I have dreamt about YOU when my eyes were closed and dreamt about YOU when I was awake. YOU brought the curve on my face sometimes and there were tears rolling down numerous times because of YOU. YOU are always with me in every walk of my life being a shadow to me, and the journey just eases with YOU holding my hands and sometimes YOU slowly invading my thoughts. A thousand words of note for YOU or a letter of love for YOU, sometimes praising about YOU and sometimes speechless about YOU. YOU neither have a beginning in my life nor do YOU end anywhere.

I close my eyes to see YOU and even if I open my eyes, YOU are still in front of me. I breathe for YOU to live YOU and will die for YOU to continue living with you, our soul united and we experiencing the eternity in the emptiness…

Here, There and No where...

It’s time again to pack my bags, seal my memories, bid adieu to this city and head for a new journey to a new city. Like a vagabond, I have been roaming endlessly without a rhyme or reason. News of such kind generally escalates my mood and spirit goes high but this one seems to be a little different. Even my friend complained of me not having an upbeat voice after hearing the news from him and I lied to hide my real emotions. Yes, I still pretend. Years have passed; I still put a glow mask whenever such things happen so that people near to me feels I am happy. Having crossed the length and breadth of the cities, nothing excites me anymore. Neither the city dirt upset me nor does the sophistication uplift my happiness quotient. The essence remains unchanged, and the forthcoming events are nothing less than a useless addition to my life calendar.

Well, yes, I being neutral don’t affect people around me. While my friend sent a sweet sms late night which goes something like this “ Good friends are like Tom and Jerry, Sometimes small fights keep them apart, but they always come back together to run a long episode”, touched me. For him, the journey and the very excitement of staying together and enjoy those small sharing of emotions matters and yes it matters to me too, but what after that?? There is another friend of mine, who just said, “I will not congratulate you” and to that I said, “You need not congratulate me for anything which cannot alleviate my inner pain”. This is neither a moment of remorse nor a moment of celebration; it’s just a moment which exists and is here to stay for sometime. The achievement is frivolous and doesn’t matter to me. While some of my friends take pride working for the best financial institutions, and some enjoying cross culture outside the vicinity of their country and some just want to be stable for sometime, I am different from them. For me, the very fact of traversing through the corners of knowledge excites me. Being monotonous can kill me morally and I am strictly against committing moral suicide. I am sure, after 6-7 months, these whole series of events would be repeating and no, it’s neither a habit nor a passion for me to understand corporate culture, probably, it’s written in my destiny. My destiny to be here, there and finally nowhere…..

TALK About…

Let’s talk. Empty talks, talks filled with air, talks having some meaning, talks enough to create a web of thoughts in your mind, sensual talks, sometimes dry and sometimes wet, talks to spell bound, magical talks, talks used to play with the other mind. Life so short but deep enough to leave you perturbed. Talk about it, for talks are just to be spoken and then forgotten, talk about the people with whom you sleep in the night and talk about the people with whom you wake up every morning. Talk about the promises to be kept and some that needs to be broken, seal the talks with your lips and whisper some talks in the ears of the people you trust. Help people so that they talk about you and do betray some so that the talk about you intensifies.

Talk loud, talk soft, talk as if no one listens, there’s always a secret to be revealed and there’s some secrets to be kept within. Talk with your mind to manipulate ideas and talk to your heart to inculcate beliefs and if not anything, forget all the talks and succumb to the speechless talks. Talk about the warrior inside you and talk about the terror within your mind, talk about your unforgettable best and forgettable worst. Talk money, talk religion, talks which are colorful and some times painted with black and white. Influential talks, enough to change the direction of people lives and sometimes talk in vacuum which needs to be ignored. Talk intentionally to praise someone or pretend to be talking unintentionally to hurt some. Forecast your talks, take your talks to a state of déjà vu, feel as if the talks are talked before and talk as if every word woven are new. Gamble your talks, bet on it, win your talks and sometimes lose it. Do believe in some talks and doubt some talks too.

After all, these are talks which need to be remained as talks, sometime swift enough to experience you a new world around you and sometimes leaving you clueless, in a state of despair. An illusion, sometimes reality, talks are believed to be the most enticing piece of sound. Err, you still ready to sit besides me and have a TALK with me. The tables are set, lights are on, let’s talk……..