Today is the end of 50 days in Chennai, end of 50 more moments of emotions, end of 50 more experiences and 50 more lives. With the start of every new day in Chennai, a life breathed and at the fall of the dawn, there was one more dead body wrapped with countless emotions. For once, today I feel like being In Pune, alone at my home, away from the changing mood of the city, and yes, playing ghazals and enjoying the eternity in solidarity. Yes, feelings have creeped in, heart is heavy and eyes are moist, it’s my love for Pune, a city where I have learnt life, a city which taught me to live life, a city which is nothing less than my life.
A ghazal of Jagjit Singh truly exemplifies my emotions at this time
“Ab main ration ke kataaron main nazar aata hon,
Apne kheton se bichhadne ki sazaa main pata hoon”
Yes, I am not happy not here. I have tried umpteen number of times but failed. In a race to earn more, work for a bigger organization and better profile, I have lost my peace. And, no, it’s just not today, it’s been 3 years, I am in the race. People have come and gone, success and failures have played hide and seek, with every new address comes a new pain. May be, I am asking too much from my life but why am I deprived of peace all my life. Whenever there is something good to happen, why does something bad have to poison the good and end its life??? I am like a dice in the hands of destiny which is being thrown on the board of life, there is always a different combination of success and failures, different combination of sadness and happiness, but what remains constant at the end is the death of those numerous experiences, moments and lives. The number game have put a question mark in my life, every number signifies something, and I as a hopeless passenger hopping from one place to another is always in a search of the significance, trying to knock every door coming my way with a hope to meet peace someday but till now, I have failed, what shows every time is a face filled with melancholy.
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